Let’s face it, jail and prison food can be awful. Other than the slop the cafeteria serves, we’re able to order our own food from commissary, which is nice but it’s expensive and limited to processed prepackaged foods. That doesn’t mean it can’t taste great though. With a little creativity, inmates can make a prison spread fit for a king. I have many favorites, but today we’re going to talk about everyone’s favorite dish. Pizza! Other than eating this in prison, I recommend it for cooking in your dorm room. Check out one of my favorite prison recipes below.

There are several flavors of the pizza you can make, but I will give you the basic recipe, with a few variations for my homemade jailhouse pizza.

It all starts with the crust.

Serving size makes one large, two mediums, or four personal pan pizzas-

Jail House Pizza Ingredients

man holding pizza crust

Crust

3 Sleeves of saltine crackers (you can substitute Ritz crackers)

1 Package of ramen noodles

1 Scoop of butter (They don’t give us measuring tools, but I would imagine it would be a tablespoon or 2)

Add a blend of Mrs. Dash seasoning and southwest chipotle seasoning to taste (These are my preferences, but you can alternate with your favorite seasonings.

2-3 Tablespoons of water as needed

Sauce

1 3.75oz pouch of use Ducal Salsita Lista Ranchera sauce

2, 4 oz packages of Brushy Creek pasta Sauce Italian Style

 A healthy dollop of Siracha Hot Chili Sauce by Huy Fong Foods, inc. for some heat

A few ounces of good old-fashioned squeeze cheese (Cheeze Whiz, Easy Cheese, Etc.)

Toppings

1 beef deli stick

Lightly seasoned beef crumbles

Pepperoni Slices

Star Farmers Market Spanish ripe olives medium pitted.

Shredded mozzarella cheese

Step one, Making the Crust

Crush up the crackers and ramen in a large Ziplock bag, as finely as possible.

Add a scoop of butter and the seasoning

Add water

Kneed together until the texture resembles a dough like quality, add water as needed.

I use cardboard with butter on it to spread it out into a crust, if you have a pan to cook it on or a plate, I’m sure that would work better.

Now it’s time for the sauce!

Step two, Create your Sauce

man holding pizza crust with sauce

In a bowl, combine Ducal Salsita Lista Ranchera sauce, Brushy Creek pasta Sauce Italian Style, Sriracha Hot Chili Sauce by Huy Fong Foods, inc., squeeze cheese, salsa, minced onions, and minced garlic.

Mix well.

Step three, Add your toppings

Stir and mix ingredients for sauce in a bowl. then apply thick layer of sauce to the crust

Now comes the cheese; I like to use the packs of shredded mozzarella from Gilman cheese corp., but any shredded-up cheese will work.

Make sure to apply a healthy amount to the pie, this is the problem with pizza places like Pizza Hut or Dominoes, they don’t put enough sauce or cheese or topping.

Speaking of toppings let’s get into it.

Toppings

This one is a three-meat topping, but literally the possibility is endless topping selection. I’m using an original beef deli stick, lightly seasoned beef crumbles from Brushy Creek, Hormel pepperoni, Star Farmers Market Spanish ripe olives medium pitted.

man holding pizza crust with sauce and cheese

Chop them all up and stir into a bowl. I season the meat with Mrs. Dash southwest chipotle seasoning blend.

Now apply a healthy layer onto the foundation we have built.

Step four, Cook Your Pizza

Now it’s time to cook it. This is the part that will vary depending on your mode of cooking and size. I cook it on cardboard in the microwave because that is what I have available.

Microwave for three minutes, rotate and cook for an additional three minutes for the personal pan pizzas.

For the mediums I would recommend four minutes then rotate and an additional four. But it could vary depending on your microwave. The large I would recommend five to six minutes twice and check it to see if it is done.

For addition flavor I add put crushed red peppers, Parmesan cheese and a drizzle of ranch dressing.

man holding completed pizza for recipe

Be sure to let stand then slice and enjoy!

Bon Appétit

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